Struggle Bussin'

Let me explain. Our professors always said the hardest part about making a movie is thinking about it. This always seemed strangely vague to me, as pretty much all I do is think about things and form my own humble opinion on it (and usually keep it to myself). But with film, I've realized it requires a far different, and more demanding, type of thought. On my way to see Tevis, I told myself that I would write a screenplay, or at least try my hand at the first act, which provides exposition and sets up the conflict for the protagonist. However, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I needed to think more about it. At the end of a 4 hour bus ride, I found myself with pages of notes depicting all the flaws in my current ideas and directions I could take them, but nothing concrete. It's much like the smarter you become, the dumber you realize you are.

In the wise words of Dr. Seuss: "Think left and think right and think low and think high. Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try."

And try I have, to the point of headaches and unexpected naps. It's amazing how hard thinking is when you really want something golden to arise from the ashes of burned ideas. Brainstorming has consumed my every thought--trashing ideas, coming up with new ones, realizing that what I thought was good actually sucked...One after the other. Do I focus on a young boy trying to cope with the sudden loss of his mother, stuck in a household with a laid-off step father with whom he tries to find solace? Do I try making a dark comedy about parents selling their kids once they get too old to be able to help with the family trade, though it all symbolizes something much more (...something...)? How about a dive into the psyche of a young adult who has stood by and watched his friends take drugs, and through a series of disturbing visualizations during a bad trip realizes he must reach out and stop them before they slip past the point of recreational usage? Nope. So far I have tossed all those ideas, at least for the time being, as none of them can really seem to come full circle with my group members. There's at least one of us with our reservations about an idea thrown out there, and while that's normally a perfect opportunity to build, we haven't been able to make it mesh. I'm sure the answer will hit us with enough time and mental strain, but I suppose because we still have 3 weeks, it feels like we have time still to pick out the flaws of our ideas.

My dad told me The more you know about the characters, their history, the circumstances leading to the mother’s passing, the change in the relationship between the father and son and their present routines, the more likely you’ll find your answer.  You just keep mulling it around in your brain.  Don’t stop.  The answer will come like a cat at the door.  You have to keep calling, you can’t stop calling; it will come, rest assured, but frankly it will come when you’re least expecting it. 

And he's a smart guy, so that's what I've been doing. I even have been trying to write down my dreams the second I wake up, which is hard but has been getting easier. Last night was extremely daunting--I had legitimate nightmares about a serial killer turning everyone I know against me. My brother even attacked me with a dagger. Hmmmm. I don't think I'll use that one though. I'll just keep mulling it over. I think writing this down has helped me, so thanks for listening.