Rough notes on my film

I just wrote these down in a few minutes, but I think it's the first time I have before me a fully plausible yet unpredictable story. These notes are basic, as I did not write them for a blog but purely for myself, but I think pretty much everything is there. We've pitched ideas to our professors for about 3-4 weeks now, and every time we think we have something, they find ways to tear it apart. Granted they're usually right, and luckily they've been brutal enough to tell me when my ideas stick. Since our first pitching session, this idea has gone through vast changes--we've pinpointed and eliminated plot holes, cliches, poorly developed characters and false catharses (plural of catharsis). We've finally boiled our scattered ideas down into a solid 3-act story with relatable characters with clear goals and motives. The story below spawned as an idea about the boy exclusively--I thought back to when I was bullied by a classmate as a kid, though I refused to accept it as bullying because for some reason I still wanted to be his friend. I was a young kid with conflicting emotions, and supposedly it even caused me to have night terrors years later. Unfortunately, as I kept digging further and further with the boy and his motives, the story shifted into an uncomfortably dark place and I realized that I had layered it with cliches to keep it somewhat relatable to myself. My group and I scrapped the idea and kept brainstorming, though later on we realized that it was our strongest pitch with the most character depth, so we mulled it over and changed the nature of both characters and their relationships. Slowly but surely, it became the story you see before you. It's crazy how ideas can link together to form completely new situations, themes and lives, but that's what this process is, I'm learning. This story is definitely the plot we'll be creating in our film, though Act 2 is still very much subject to change, as it's always the hardest to make sense. I think what I have now I can relate to easier and find ways to bring in my own personal touch to the final product. I can't wait until it's finished, though it still feels like years away (I shoot in less than 2 months, and I only get two days with the camera!) Simplicity at this early stage has been my personal downfall, and it took a lot of trail and error during this process to realize how to take a step back and devise an original short story that doesn't get ahead of itself. We don't have a name for our story yet, but here is what I'll be pitching this Friday:

Opening: Father and son live in an apartment above a family-owned shop (perhaps a butcher). Son performs morning chores and gets ready to go off to school. His father helps him, making sure he has everything he needs and clearly acting over-bearing towards his son, though it's clearly out of love and devotion. Kid grabs his backpack and instrument and they say their farewell.

Act 1: Kid goes off to school, father is left alone in the store. Show clock passes time, everything is silence, boredom, alone; father clearly relishes time with his son in the morning. Mail comes, father sees his son has received a letter from a music academy, though signs show that he is displeased to see it. He opens it and reads it though he knows he shouldn’t, only to find that it’s a full ride scholarship; he panics and hides it in a drawer.

Act 2: Son comes home and says his instructor has told him how much promise he has and that he should really go to the academy. Father dismisses it, though uncomfortably saying “I've told you before, you know we don’t have the money for it. Plus I need you here in the shop with me. Family first (double meaning...). Now go get your apron on.” Kid does so grudgingly, father goes in back to do inventory. (kid starts playing beats on cans and things around the store? indicates deeply rooted passion). At night he practices his instrument and is very talented. Obviously it's the only thing that really makes him happy. Father sees this by peering in, so he comes in and says how he had to give up his dreams as a kid to work in the shop with his father. Son not really having it--probably heard this spiel before--and decides to go downstairs and make a midnight snack, stumbles upon letter. Busts into his father’s room, they have a brief confrontation. At this point, the dad is clearly beat with no more excuses to hide behind, so the truth comes out that he doesn’t want his son to leave him too (like his mother—implication), showing signs of fear of loneliness and insecurity. The son doesn't care, as he's 18 and now can leave whenever he wants. Desperate father says he'll die without him, maybe even kill himself. Son, blinded by anger and confusion, says he doesn't care and storms out of the shop (maybe even tosses him a rope? too dark?) 

Act 3: Father is crushed as he thinks he's lost his son forever now, forever alone. Starts stringing up the rope, simultaneously the son feels guilty and goes back just in time to save his hanging father. He unties him, tells him I’m sorry, dad says it too. But the son says "I still must go and live my life, and you must let me. Family first." Dad agrees. END

Facebook or email me, I'm totally open to new ideas/comments!